Given the success of my Clist date, I decided I needed to branch out into other dating venues. I forget how the idea first entered my mind, but I logged onto Match.com. I was hesitant about actually searching for folks or setting up a profile, but their marketing campaign completely won me over. "It's okay to look." Those four little words made me feel less than desperate and validated my curiosity. I decided that if I was going to look, I would really give the site a chance and put together as compelling a profile as I could for myself.
The site asked me to fill out a fairly questionnaire regarding my interests and what I was looking for. The sorts of things you could list are pretty superificial. Height, build, income, etc. I selected folks in education or the arts initially. After finishing my selection and uploading a photo, I was ready to go!
I initially started searching for guys around my age, and one profile immediately caught my eye. A film maker. Hmmm. This could be promising. However, in order to actually communicate with the person, I'd have to pay a subscription. Yuck. This is rather humiliating, I thought to myself as I punched in my credit card numbers. I went from feeling okay for being curious to feeling desperate again.
There's a function on Match.com where you can wink at a person to show interest. I decided to be liberal with my links and see what came back to me...
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
The Most Boring Date with Interesting Interests
To get warmed up on my dating adventures, I decided to paddle around in the shallows of Craigslist and go for an easy first time date--the movie buddy. It's an easy date because you're doing something, spending time together without being crazy intense about it, and immediately have something to discuss. If it goes badly, you still got entertained in some way.
Scrolling through the week's postings from men hard up for female company, I found one that caught my eye. LUST CAUTION. No, it wasn't a mis-posted casual encounter, but the name of Ang Lee's latest film, set in China. I happen to really love foreign films, and Ang Lee is an interesting director in my opinion, so this caught my eye. I responded to it and included a picture of myself.
Later that afternoon, I had a response! Marcus was free and curious about me. We exchanged some personal information--what we'd studied, things like that. His background and interests seemed in line with mine. I had a fine arts degree, and he was considering getting one on the other side of the country. He also included his picture, which was just okay. He had glasses, a round-ish face, short brown hair. He seemed conservatively dressed and all around ho-hum. I've dated people in the past that I wasn't physically into at first, so I take pictures and appearances with a grain of salt. I'm also skeptical about a photo's veracity, because people invariably look a lot better or a lot worse than the image. I don't consider myself very photogenic. However, that seems to work out in my favor. People have consistently told me I look better in person, but that could also be because I'm good company and easy to get along with...
Anyways, I read up more on the film, and realized there's some pretty explicit sexual content in it. Duh, it is called LUST CAUTION. The thought of me sitting with a stranger in a dark theater watching this together the first time we ever met became a LOT less attractive to me. What if I wasn't into him? I don't want to sit next to someone I'm not interested in and know for certain that he probably had a boner at some point during our time together. Nast! However, there was a slight chance I could be into him. Then it'd be exciting to know he was excited. It could be a good associational memory to lodge in his mind for our first encounter. However, I decided to play it safe and not risk the nast feeling for the potential good of an associative memory. SO, I wrote him back and told him I'd rather watch something else, on second thought. We settled on Lars and the Real Girl, with Ryan Gosling in it. A semi-romantic comedy. Sounds good to me. After all, I'm paddling in the shallows of my dating adventures.
So, time for our date. He wants to meet at this bookstore. I get there about ten minutes early (a VERY unusual phenomenon for me, I tend to run late) and end up hanging around in an easy chair and checking out a book of poems by Linh Dinh, whom I like. There are a few dodgy looking older men browsing the stacks and me, it seems, and I'm not sure if one of them is Marcus or not. I couldn't remember exactly what he looked like. But, he finally arrives, a little late. It was mildly raining, so he's carrying an umbrella. I'm friendly, so I give him a hug and a big "Marcus!" when I first see him.
Right off the bat, I can tell he's nervous, though he acts pretty low key. I know he's nervous because he stammers slightly and doesn't make a lot of eye contact. That is a mild turnoff, but I cut him some slack because I know how much pressure there is on making that first impression. We decide to grab a quick bite of pizza on the way.
So we're chatting, and what I thought at first was just nervousness on his part slowly turns into the realization that this guy is super duper duper boring. I mean, really boring. He doesn't try to crack any jokes at all, almost talks in a monotone, and asks me the most mundane questions. He doesn't need to be a stand up comedian, but have a little personality, please. I'm confused, to be honest. How can someone who has such interesting interests (the arts, galleries, foreign films, etc) come off so bland? I crack a few jokes, which makes him laugh, but he really doesn't zing them back at me. He seems to take everything very seriously, including himself. I guess I'd characterize him as very respectful, which is okay, but not quite what I'm all about. If you don't see the irreverence and ridiculousness in life--especially your own--and can't call it out and laugh at it, we're not going to work out.
The saving grace of the night? RYAN GOSLING. I fall in love with him on screen. He's heart broken, tender, beautiful, human, loving, a fantasy in vulnerability and awkward charm. In the darkened room of the theater, I softly hallucinate over his down-turned face, his achy heart, his tears. When the lights come back on again, I'm still enchanted...
And then I come back down to earth. I'm on a blind date, and my date is getting a C+. C+ because he's a nice guy, decent, but not someone I'd be interested in being friends with, to be honest. I feel like he's pulling a lot of energy from me, but I'm not getting much back. So, C+ date. Not something I'd like to repeat, but not a crash and burn failure.
He asks me what I'm up to afterwards, and I tell him I'm going to head home. He mentions checking on his bike, so we part ways.
He emails me a few days later, saying he enjoyed the date and would be up for watching a film sometime again. I don't respond right away, but a few days later (to be polite) mentioned I had stopped by this gallery he'd mentioned. I probably shouldn't have responded at all, because he called me up a week or so later to chat me up. And by chat me up, I mean bore me again. I actually even forgot who he was by the time he called.
I know I'm already breaking one of the rules I set out--to see people at least twice--but I don't want to encourage this guy at all. I'm definitely 100% not interested and won't be. I hate to be so judgmental like that, but I've got a gut feeling about this one that I'm not going to rationalize away so I can suffer somehow for it down the line. And my gut feeling? That interests are NOT enough if there's a fundamental personality mis-connection.
So, goodbye Marcus! Good luck finding someone right for you. You're polite, respectful, soft spoken, and absolutely not for me. However, I am grateful I got Ryan Gosling out of the equation!
Scrolling through the week's postings from men hard up for female company, I found one that caught my eye. LUST CAUTION. No, it wasn't a mis-posted casual encounter, but the name of Ang Lee's latest film, set in China. I happen to really love foreign films, and Ang Lee is an interesting director in my opinion, so this caught my eye. I responded to it and included a picture of myself.
Later that afternoon, I had a response! Marcus was free and curious about me. We exchanged some personal information--what we'd studied, things like that. His background and interests seemed in line with mine. I had a fine arts degree, and he was considering getting one on the other side of the country. He also included his picture, which was just okay. He had glasses, a round-ish face, short brown hair. He seemed conservatively dressed and all around ho-hum. I've dated people in the past that I wasn't physically into at first, so I take pictures and appearances with a grain of salt. I'm also skeptical about a photo's veracity, because people invariably look a lot better or a lot worse than the image. I don't consider myself very photogenic. However, that seems to work out in my favor. People have consistently told me I look better in person, but that could also be because I'm good company and easy to get along with...
Anyways, I read up more on the film, and realized there's some pretty explicit sexual content in it. Duh, it is called LUST CAUTION. The thought of me sitting with a stranger in a dark theater watching this together the first time we ever met became a LOT less attractive to me. What if I wasn't into him? I don't want to sit next to someone I'm not interested in and know for certain that he probably had a boner at some point during our time together. Nast! However, there was a slight chance I could be into him. Then it'd be exciting to know he was excited. It could be a good associational memory to lodge in his mind for our first encounter. However, I decided to play it safe and not risk the nast feeling for the potential good of an associative memory. SO, I wrote him back and told him I'd rather watch something else, on second thought. We settled on Lars and the Real Girl, with Ryan Gosling in it. A semi-romantic comedy. Sounds good to me. After all, I'm paddling in the shallows of my dating adventures.
So, time for our date. He wants to meet at this bookstore. I get there about ten minutes early (a VERY unusual phenomenon for me, I tend to run late) and end up hanging around in an easy chair and checking out a book of poems by Linh Dinh, whom I like. There are a few dodgy looking older men browsing the stacks and me, it seems, and I'm not sure if one of them is Marcus or not. I couldn't remember exactly what he looked like. But, he finally arrives, a little late. It was mildly raining, so he's carrying an umbrella. I'm friendly, so I give him a hug and a big "Marcus!" when I first see him.
Right off the bat, I can tell he's nervous, though he acts pretty low key. I know he's nervous because he stammers slightly and doesn't make a lot of eye contact. That is a mild turnoff, but I cut him some slack because I know how much pressure there is on making that first impression. We decide to grab a quick bite of pizza on the way.
So we're chatting, and what I thought at first was just nervousness on his part slowly turns into the realization that this guy is super duper duper boring. I mean, really boring. He doesn't try to crack any jokes at all, almost talks in a monotone, and asks me the most mundane questions. He doesn't need to be a stand up comedian, but have a little personality, please. I'm confused, to be honest. How can someone who has such interesting interests (the arts, galleries, foreign films, etc) come off so bland? I crack a few jokes, which makes him laugh, but he really doesn't zing them back at me. He seems to take everything very seriously, including himself. I guess I'd characterize him as very respectful, which is okay, but not quite what I'm all about. If you don't see the irreverence and ridiculousness in life--especially your own--and can't call it out and laugh at it, we're not going to work out.
The saving grace of the night? RYAN GOSLING. I fall in love with him on screen. He's heart broken, tender, beautiful, human, loving, a fantasy in vulnerability and awkward charm. In the darkened room of the theater, I softly hallucinate over his down-turned face, his achy heart, his tears. When the lights come back on again, I'm still enchanted...
And then I come back down to earth. I'm on a blind date, and my date is getting a C+. C+ because he's a nice guy, decent, but not someone I'd be interested in being friends with, to be honest. I feel like he's pulling a lot of energy from me, but I'm not getting much back. So, C+ date. Not something I'd like to repeat, but not a crash and burn failure.
He asks me what I'm up to afterwards, and I tell him I'm going to head home. He mentions checking on his bike, so we part ways.
He emails me a few days later, saying he enjoyed the date and would be up for watching a film sometime again. I don't respond right away, but a few days later (to be polite) mentioned I had stopped by this gallery he'd mentioned. I probably shouldn't have responded at all, because he called me up a week or so later to chat me up. And by chat me up, I mean bore me again. I actually even forgot who he was by the time he called.
I know I'm already breaking one of the rules I set out--to see people at least twice--but I don't want to encourage this guy at all. I'm definitely 100% not interested and won't be. I hate to be so judgmental like that, but I've got a gut feeling about this one that I'm not going to rationalize away so I can suffer somehow for it down the line. And my gut feeling? That interests are NOT enough if there's a fundamental personality mis-connection.
So, goodbye Marcus! Good luck finding someone right for you. You're polite, respectful, soft spoken, and absolutely not for me. However, I am grateful I got Ryan Gosling out of the equation!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
So you think you can date?
So what is the story with men in Philadelphia? Being newly single, I decided to put this city to the test and see exactly what it has to offer. I'm female, attractive, of average build, bright, literate, love to dance, and crack jokes. How hard can it be to find some decent company? Well, if this blog does the job right, by the end of 2008, I should have a pretty good sense what the dating landscape is like in our fair city.
I've got some ground rules. I promised myself anyone I was willing to meet face to face, I'd meet at least twice. That first encounter can be really stressful. Especially since there's a lot of pressure on folks to "connect" right away. I'm outgoing and it's easy for me to be sociable from the get go, but I know not everyone is like that.
How to go about dates? I'm going to try a mix of online dating, the bar scene, recommendations, and random pickups. I'm basically going to toss some charm left and right and see what I haul back. Cast a wide net. I have my predispositions towards certain men, but if you're sane, semi-attractive, and have at least one common interest with me, then I'm going to go out with you at least twice.
I've already got sixteen encounters I'm ready to share with you. I promise to write in absolutely perfect detail what happens on each date. Some are hysterical, others are just sad. All of them, though, bring me one step closer to figuring out if true romance is possible in the city of fraternal love.
I've got some ground rules. I promised myself anyone I was willing to meet face to face, I'd meet at least twice. That first encounter can be really stressful. Especially since there's a lot of pressure on folks to "connect" right away. I'm outgoing and it's easy for me to be sociable from the get go, but I know not everyone is like that.
How to go about dates? I'm going to try a mix of online dating, the bar scene, recommendations, and random pickups. I'm basically going to toss some charm left and right and see what I haul back. Cast a wide net. I have my predispositions towards certain men, but if you're sane, semi-attractive, and have at least one common interest with me, then I'm going to go out with you at least twice.
I've already got sixteen encounters I'm ready to share with you. I promise to write in absolutely perfect detail what happens on each date. Some are hysterical, others are just sad. All of them, though, bring me one step closer to figuring out if true romance is possible in the city of fraternal love.
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